Greg Napear on play-by-play and Jerry Reynolds, color man and former Kings coach, welcome us to Arco Arena. There’s a pregame profile of Kings guard Isaiah Thomas, who at least pronounces his first name correctly, unlike the more famous Isiah (I-SIGH-A, shouldn’t it be?) Thomas, the Pistons imp of the perverse. Jerry calls Isaiah, a U. of Washington product, “The Hustling Husky,” which sounds like a sled dog in the Iditarod run…
Thomas is a live wire, but Santa Claus himself couldn’t pep up this bunch…
John Salmons starts for the Kings. We look forward to his matchups later this season with Brandon Bass…
The game starts with two baskets by Andrew Bogut—righty hook then lefty hook, both over Cousins. In between, Cousins clangs a 20-footer…
“The Kings’ offense is holding the Kings to 14 points in the first quarter,” Greg quips. That’s before Ben McLemore throws in a half-courter at the buzzer. 27-17 Warriors at quarter’s end…
The camera shows Kings’ owner Vavek Ranadive (accent grave over the “e”) flashing the shaka sign, all smiles in spite of the prospect of a long, long season ahead…
2nd quarter. Cousins collects two idiot fouls within 12 seconds of one another, hacking Bogut on one of them 20 feet from the hoop. He goes out, and seconds later Bogut gets a mismatch with a Kings guard down low. “He’s got a mouse in the house,” Jerry says. Bogut squints at the basket from the line, looking more than ever like he’s taking an excruciating dump…
Rookie coach Michael Malone keeps a stiff upper lip as his Kings fall behind by 20. The Kings shoot two delay-of-game penalties. “This could turn out to be their best offensive weapon,” Jerry remarks…
Luc Mbah a Moute (anagram: O! Ambulate much?) comes in for a spell, unable to stem the tide. 56-36 at half…
3rd quarter. The red-hot Kings score eight straight out of the gate. Whoops—Klay Thompson hits back-to-back 3s. Bogut fires up after semi-tussle with Cousins. He slams an alley-oop from Iguodala, blocks a shot and rips a rebound, rapid-fire. When Curry buries a 3 to put the Warriors up 27, Malone pulls his starters, halfway through the quarter…
Ground Chuck Hayes stokes the dreams of couch potatoes everywhere…
Travis Outlaw (anagram: Larva outwits) slams a rebound, failing to excite his teammates on the bench, who look like members of a chain gang…
The Warriors called for another delay of game. Jerry and Greg riff about the Warriors holding a practice session to cover not slapping the ball when it comes through the basket…
Curry heats up, and our two announcers decide he is a bargain at $10 million for four years. He has five 3-pointers now, the same as the Kings, who are 5 for 25…
There’s a Jimmer Fredette sighting at 3:07 left in the game. He waits a full 30 seconds before hoisting one…
Final: Warriors 98, Kings 87. As the players file out, we don’t see anybody kissing Cousins.
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